Last month, I wrote about flexible daily routines and the pillars of wellness that support mental and emotional well-being. Today, I wanted to share some of the mindset shifts that support those daily habits. These are internal practices that support me from the inside out.
Find a routine and practice that works for *you*
Before I get into it, I realized that as I was writing and sharing this, most of us would be less advising, less informed, less pressured, and our lives would look and feel like what people see on a screen. I knew this deep down, so deeply that it felt counterintuitive to come out and share it on this medium.
The biggest thing I realized last year is that I don’t need to fix myself. see Accept myself and what I see. I trusted books and experts more than I trusted myself, and sometimes I trusted them so much that I couldn’t even trust my own reflection. And you can’t build self-confidence by following someone else’s path. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting out of stagnation, self-crisis, and low self-esteem. You have to look within yourself to find the clues that will lead you in the right direction.
The biggest thing I realized last year is that I don’t need to fix myself. see Looking back at myself and accepting what I see.
Only you know what you need. It’s so easy to find a label to put on what you’re feeling when you’re feeling confused. We’re much more complicated than that. Perspective is crucial here. Make room for the unanswered questions, the mixed emotions, the bittersweetness of living, growing older, pruning what’s been lost, and loving yourself enough to care for what’s ready to grow again.
6 Mindset Changes I Make Every Day
The practices and mindset changes I share below are my North Star when I feel lost. Often, these signs are the familiar inner drumbeat of low self-esteem, or old maladaptive perfectionistic traits that protect me from public humiliation (thank you, Internet). I see these as pillars of awareness that give me the confidence that whatever happens, it will be okay.
1. Organize your thoughts.
I try to notice when I get stuck in old thought patterns. When I start to ruminate or self-destruct, I do a quick body scan, take a few deep breaths, and then go back to what I was doing. The key for me is not to get caught up in or dwell on catastrophic thinking. I believe that if I practice being kind to myself when I do (and I often do) I will be able to move through it more easily. Trying to stop thinking like this completely has left me paralyzed. accept Embracing them as part of becoming fully myself was a huge step in the right direction for me.
2. Be realistic about what you can give.
I want to do everything. Realizing that I can’t do everything without consequences (e.g. mentally, emotionally, financially) was a devastating realization I had last year, but it was also an incredibly liberating realization. What should I do? want What should I do? What do I want in life? I was paralyzed by these questions, thinking that if I just worked hard enough, the answers would come to me like lightning.
I don’t wait for my purpose to come to me all at once. I still don’t know what to do about the desire to overfill my plate. It just doesn’t work. So now when I cross something off my list or delegate a task, I don’t see it as waving the white flag, but as taking small steps toward something that really matters to me.
3. Practice radical acceptance.
Sometimes we get stuck in wishing our circumstances were different. Just as I thought I could balance my plate full and devote myself to every idea that came to my mind, I sometimes thought I could protect myself by worrying. I thought that just wishing my current situation were different would make my desired future come true. It doesn’t work that way.
4. Accept the discomfort.
Discomfort tends to point me in the direction where I need to focus my energy. It points me in the direction that will help me grow. I disconnected from this wisdom after years of therapy, thinking that discomfort was the key to where I needed to heal. My awareness increased, but my confidence plummeted. I couldn’t figure it out.
It took me a long time to relearn how to push myself to grow, and it took me a long time to stop punishing myself. If you’ve had a major setback at work or in a relationship, it’s hard to get back on track. It’s scary to know how far we can fall and what it takes to pick up the pieces. But I can tell you from experience that wallowing in self-pity takes a huge toll.
5. Practice self-respect.
For me, this most often means doing what I say I will do. They say that procrastination is not a time management issue, but rather a way to avoid what we fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the discomfort of facing both. They also say that it is a way to control those outcomes, that we can anticipate the consequences when we don’t do what we need to do. I’m sure it feels like a sense of self-destruction.
I began to see procrastination as a form of disrespect to myself. This mindset shift helped me push through when I needed to get started. It also helped me identify where I could be clear about what I needed to do. Can not Yes. I fail at this every day, but I keep trying. Little by little, I am learning to believe in myself again.
6. Live with a grateful heart.
I’m not sure we can approach gratitude until we accept ourselves as we are, and that we are fundamentally worthy of safety, love, and connection. The most uncomfortable moment of the past 18 months has been thinking about my relationship with myself. Others couldn’t give me what I needed. I felt like I was truly felt About myself, my life, and the choices I made. It was uncomfortable and confusing, but it was a gift. I realized that everything I needed was right here, inside me.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram @withanddellight_.
