The holidays provide plenty of opportunities for awkward moments. Of course, there is a lot of potential for political discussion. But whenever opinions differ, awkwardness can arise when estrangements cause lasting rifts or when behavior veers in inappropriate directions.
Awkwardness is what happens when you suddenly find yourself in a social interaction without a script to guide you. Maybe the situation is new or upsetting to you. Perhaps you don’t know what’s expected of you, or you’re not sure what role you play in the social drama around you. It is characterized by feelings of self-consciousness, uncertainty, and discomfort.
as philosopher who studies moral psychologyI am interested in awkwardness because I want to understand how social discomfort prevents people from engaging in difficult topics and challenging conversations. Awkwardness seems to hold people back even when their moral values suggest they should speak up. But it also plays a positive role. It can alert people to areas where social norms apply. scarce Or outdated.
People often blame themselves when things go awkwardly. But awkwardness is actually a collective failure. It’s not the people that are awkward, it’s the situations that are awkward. And it becomes awkward because you don’t have the resources to navigate tricky social situations.
Awkwardness is often confused with embarrassment, but the two are different in important ways, and so are the solutions. Embarrassment is a reaction to that. personal failure or mistakeand The right response is to acknowledge it, own it, and move on.. Awkwardness is caused by a lack of social guidance, so you can try to anticipate and prevent situations before they happen, or you can respond by developing better, clearer social scripts to help yourself and others navigate similar situations. future.
After researching and writing the entire a book about awkwardnessI have come to the conclusion that it is not something we can or should avoid completely. But there are some strategies people can use to minimize awkwardness and deal with it when it inevitably arises.
1. Know your goals and know your role
Uncertainty is the oxygen of awkwardness. Before engaging in a potentially awkward or controversial interaction, ask yourself: What do you want to gain from this?
Having clear goals for an interaction not only allows you to better fulfill your role within it, but also provides clearer signals to others, helping them play their part in the unfolding social drama.
So if you’re worried it’ll be awkward when your uncle launches into his annual political rant, think about what you want the outcome to be. Do you want to convince that person that he or she is wrong? It’s unlikely to happen. Do you want other family members to feel less anxious? Do you want to hear your opinion?
Thinking ahead doesn’t guarantee that things will go smoothly or that no one’s feelings will be hurt. But it will help you feel more confident in your ability to move toward your desired outcome.
(Credit: Drazen Zigic/iStock via Getty Images Plus) Serving dessert can provide a lifeline for someone looking for a pick-me-up.
2. There is no ‘I’ in awkwardness
awkward situation give birth intense self-consciousness. This is inconvenient and counterproductive. Focusing on yourself prevents you from tuning into the people around you and the signals they send you—signals that could provide a way out of an awkward situation. So make sure you are paying attention not only to your own discomfort, but also to the other actors in the drama.
3. Be planned, coordinated and explicit.
While people make a lot of plans in other areas of their lives, they expect social interactions to flow easily. But sometimes, like on vacation or a hike in the woods, a conversation goes better when you approach with a map. Prepare topics or questions of interest.
And you don’t have to go alone. If you’re worried about broaching a sensitive subject or interacting with a particularly difficult guest, talk to a friend or relative.
If you expect to meet someone with whom you have an unresolved relationship, such as an estranged family member or an old friend who has been ghosted, do some preparation work in advance. An email or letter can give people an opportunity to process a reaction without having to react immediately.
Even doing scripted activities on deck can make things less awkward. It doesn’t have to be something as formal as a board game. Leave a few tasks for your guests to do that might otherwise be inconveniently hidden, like shaking salad dressing or placing a fork on the table.
4. Laugh it off
If awkwardness creeps in despite your best efforts, give people a way out. They’ll probably catch it. This doesn’t have to be major. It could be a little joke, a topic of small talk, or even tapping a spoon on the table to break the silence only if the situation gets really desperate.
5. Consider alternatives
These strategies can help you avoid awkwardness. But think for a moment if you really want to. Awkwardness is a result of social uncertainty. It slows things down and suppresses confidence.
Without it, different emotions may arise. Getting things out in the open can bring relief, but it can also lead to anger, sadness, and other emotions that are best saved for another occasion.
So, if a situation is awkward, it’s a good idea to look at what role that awkwardness plays, and what could take its place if it were to go away.
Alexandra Plakias is Associate Professor of Philosophy at Hamilton College. This article is republished from: conversation below Creative Commons License. read original article.
