Don’t let existential anxiety ruin your life.
Your mid-20s to early 30s are a really interesting time. You have entered the world of work and are opening new horizons of possibilities. Your relationships and romances become more mature, rewarding, and committed. You are starting to feel like a real person now. adult.
Or perhaps you are paralyzed by anxiety and doubt.
If so, you are not alone. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness: 18.1% of Americans experiencing anxiety disorder and anxiety 80-year high Among young people. This is a major public health problem and people like you and me have absolutely no immunity.
Disorder may seem like a strong word. But simply put, if your hangups are preventing you from succeeding in life, that’s a problem.
Here is my story: I graduated from college with loans. no way many loan. And paying off that debt was my first goal in life.
For three years, I saved like a miser. We had the hottest summer on record without air conditioning. I worked by candlelight to save on bills. I ate a pack of ramen a day, and there were days when I didn’t eat anything at all. I told myself it would be worth it. Because debt was the only thing holding me back. And it happened.
My loan balance owed a beautiful $0.00. I was a free man. I answered no one. I could do anything in the world.
I was scared.
What are you afraid of? As much as I hated debt (as much as I hated it with a burning passion), student loans were both a prison and a shelter. As long as I lived with an unwavering passion to live debt-free, I was able to avoid the existential questions lurking in the back of my mind.
In a world that says you can go anywhere, do anything, be anyone. What happens if I don’t get to try everything I want? What if you wasted your time pursuing the wrong goals? How on earth would you know what was the right decision?
I am free from debt. But I still couldn’t sleep. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve stayed awake in the dark analyzing and evaluating hundreds of different options and hundreds of plans. Compare the person who nags “what if” to another person.
I was suffering from a kind of existential angst, and it was destroying the life I had worked so hard to build. I think there’s a pretty good chance you’ve been stuck in the same place at some point in your life. And while I have yet to find a way to chase away the anxiety that plagues me – and I probably never will – I have learned how to become stronger than it, using these three truths.
1. You can’t be everything. something has to be
The fact that you can be anything doesn’t mean you can be everything. One of my problems is what psychologists call the paradox of choice. In a world where the choices are endless, it’s all about toothpaste. and Having too many choices can actually increase anxiety and make you less happy.
That is, in terms of choice more Actually it may be Less.
In my short life, I have realized how wasteful it is to waste time worrying constantly. I know I’d rather get my work done and get to the last day. what Rather than wasting time so paralyzed by fear that you can never do it. nothing.
A good place to start is to identify your long-term goals and priorities and use them to rule out some of the more fringe ideas about what you’re doing. I think I will do. For example, you may value creativity and want more from your career, but that doesn’t mean you should quit life and go back to art school. Another idea is to work with a life coach who can provide exercises to help you explore different options in a constructive (and non-paralyzing) way.
You can also try a technique called “Dreamlining” developed by Tim Ferriss. <주 4시간 근무>author of. Dreamlines allow you to define what you want your life to be like in various areas and then work backwards from there to create specific, achievable goals. ferris Break it down here This will help you get started. Dreamline is revolutionary because it can help you see who you are. ideal Life really just needs to remove a few steps from your life. actual Life.
2. You can’t control the past, but you can control the present.
What ifs are not your friend. “What if I had gone to a different school? What happens if I choose a different major? What would happen if you asked her out when you had the chance? “What if I stay at my old job?”
I’ve spent more time rehashing the past than I’d like to admit. Everyone regrets things, but there is no need to regret them. Fortunately, all of these assumptions have something called buyer’s remorse.
If you’ve ever made a choice and regretted it later, you’ve experienced buyer’s remorse, and it doesn’t just apply to cars or relationships. It is a feeling triggered by the fear that you may have made the wrong choice, many Your precious mental bandwidth. What is the first step to overcoming it? Accept what happened in the past and look forward to it.
Nothing is more important to success than the ability to keep the past in the mud. There’s no need to be happy or pretend that you won’t regret it in the future. It has happened and will happen again. It’s as simple as that. It is only when we accept what we can never change that we can have any hope of influencing what we can change.
If you want to try a radical technique for adapting to the present, try the OODA loop method. The OODA loop (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) is a decision-making process developed by U.S. Air Force strategist Colonel John Boyd that has spread from the military to business and learning applications.
For our purposes, the key insight of OODA is that we are often stuck in the oriental stage. This is where data from our past, conditioning, prior knowledge, and observation stages all come together to often create a logjam that prevents further action. The whole idea of OODA is to accelerate the decision cycle so you can take action much faster. Think of each decision you have to make about your life as a loop. It must end with action And watch how your thoughts unfold.
Observe, orient, decide, act, and repeat endlessly to adjust course as you go. Freedom isn’t about making important decisions correctly, it’s about committing yourself to making changes once you’ve made those decisions.
Ultimately, the willingness to take risks is freedom.
3. You don’t need clarity, you need courage
Throughout your life, you may be asking yourself, “What if things go wrong?” But what you need to ask yourself is, “What if things went right?” Courage is the ability to see the positive side of risk and be willing to accept the negative side. Courage is what allows you to chart your own path and live life boldly. Not the knowledge that you will make the right choice, but the confidence that what you are fighting for is worth the risk.
Ultimately, the willingness to take risks is freedom. Despite all the insecurities and regrets, it is the only thing that allows us to live on our own terms with true integrity and dignity. I still have scary days and there always will be. But if that’s the price I have to pay for freedom, well… I wouldn’t trade all the certainty and security in the world for that.
So where can you find courage? In my experience, courage is not an innate trait like blue eyes. It’s a habit.
And like any other habit, you can develop it with practice. The techniques I developed are as follows: Appointment and Responsibilities. Here’s how it works:
Starting from the top, take on the smallest, most immediate tasks of your dream line and make commitments to achieve them. This week. Then tell your friends, partners, or feed about your commitment and use social responsibility to help you actually achieve your goals. For this to work, it requires both appointment and accountability. specific One person who knows your appointments backs them up on your phone or planner.
It helps to start small. Sign up for classes, join discussion groups, and challenge yourself to be exposed to directions in life that interest you. Small brave decisions turn into big decisions over time. Add enough commitments and you can enjoy new life.
Essential reading
Although Camus’s iconic essay contains some uncharitable commentary on suicide, he gives us one of the most moving and compelling essays about not only finding freedom in the world, but taking joy in it.
Jean Paul Sartre’s flagship work is not an easy read, but for the brave reader this will be one of the most rewarding, insightful, and thought-provoking books he reads.
Barry Schwarz’s paradox of choice It lands like a well-placed slap in the face that questions the modern gospel that more options lead to greater satisfaction. With both wit and practicality, Schwartz shows how our obsession with choice can leave us anxious, paralyzed, and ironically dissatisfied, and offers guidance for regaining sanity in a world overloaded with options.
Shannon cuts through the noise with keen, practical insight into tackling anxiety head-on. She vividly portrays the “monkey mind” that is always hungry for worry, and shows how feeding it can keep us trapped in a cycle of stress and self-doubt. She mixes humor and smart advice to offer cognitive-behavioral tips for starving monkeys and regaining peace. This book is a must-read for anyone suffering from anxiety.
