Hilary DeCesare achieved professional success through business, first as a Silicon Valley sales executive and later as a life transformation and executive coach. But when it came to finding her new mate after her divorce, DeCesare has been unsatisfied through her dating apps, sites, and other methods over the years.
Then it hit her. She needed the same kind of help she would get if she was trying to accomplish something in another field in which she was not an expert.
“I’m going to be competing in a pickleball tournament in 3 weeks. What should I do? I arranged lessons with a pickleball coach,” says DeCesare, 55, who now runs hers. Restart A company from Colorado. “Don’t try to do it alone. You go with the best.”
Enter the matchmaker.
Through a mutual acquaintance, DeCesare met Shannon Lundgren, a Harvard MBA living in San Francisco who had recently launched a professional matchmaking service. Shannon’s Circle. On her third date, arranged for her by Lundgren, DeCesare met her future husband, with whom she had been married for nearly 11 years.
“Why do this alone when you can scale your success and get there faster?” Decesare says: “This is it. Start living and start living faster.”
Matchmaking is big business
Although it accounts for less than a quarter of the dating industry, which is estimated to be worth $4 billion in the U.S. alone by 2024, matchmaking, not just dating coaching, But actual one-on-one matchmaking has seen a notable resurgence over the past two decades. Long relegated to the shadows of dating sites and apps, this practice has reemerged as a preferred option for those with the resources to pay for it and the willingness to incorporate a third party into the human dynamic of finding love.
“People have become increasingly accustomed to outsourcing their love lives, like hiring a personal trainer at the gym or a personal chef to prepare their meals,” says Rachel Greenwald, an American matchmaker and Harvard Business School executive. colleague, whose elite service You can command from $10,000 to $75,000 per month, with a minimum three-month commitment.
Of course, not everyone can hire a personal trainer or personal chef. But even at a low level, personal matchmaking is not at all the same as algorithmic dating, and the prices (almost always thousands of dollars or more) reflect this.
Exact numbers are hard to come by, as we discovered when interviewing several professional brokers about the growth of the industry. First of all, there are no licenses required for the profession and it is largely unregulated. “This is essentially what I call the Wild West,” Greenwald says. “There are a lot of small businesses here.”
Still, those in the know say business is booming. Of the roughly 50 one-on-one matchmakers in the United States at the turn of the century, New York matchmaker Lisa Lampitt says there are now more than 5,000. Only in the US. “The industry is growing 100 percent,” she says.
Many of our clients tell us they are tired of the online/app approach to dating or have decided that the time investment isn’t paying dividends. Meanwhile, for some services, helicopter parents looking to match their adult children or counsel them directly on dating skills can account for more than a third of their business. (Parents can pay, but matchmakers say they are not involved in the process.)
Clampitt, a former social worker, enters business. In 2000, a company named after her was formed. matchmaking company, It caters to New York’s wealthy elite. A few years later, she founded the Matchmaking Institute, now known as the Matchmaking Institute. Global Love Research Institute, which offers matchmaking and coaching certifications, offers ethical guidelines and functions as a trade association where matchmakers can share resources and best practices. Lab May 8th Global Love Conference In New York, it was considered the largest gathering ever.
Modern matchmaking has nothing in common with the old “your aunt has someone to meet”. Matchmakers say their clients are generally looking for a committed relationship, but marriage isn’t always or usually the goal, which is one reason they need a thorough screening and interview process beforehand. For example, someone who has just gone through a divorce may want to meet different people and feel good about themselves again, Greenwald says.
Most services cater to customers of all backgrounds, but some operate in very specific niches, such as religious, geographic, sexual orientation, or other personalities. Michal Neistetter We operate a service in Philadelphia that focuses on Jewish games. “It’s an interesting microcosm for a date,” she says. “This is a very diverse city and the birthplace of America. But this is more of a ‘local’ city. People live here for a long time, buy houses and stay loyal to their teams. I can’t tell you how many people I meet who think they already know everyone, but actually don’t.”
With price estimates ranging from about $10,000 to more than $300,000, matchmakers often function as relationship concierge services, helping clients avoid wasting time flipping online or app-based profiles to possible dates. Greenwald says you might research and interview 10 to 20 people to present a profile to your customers. She calls this a “curation” process.
Elite Matchmakers and VIP Customers
Elite level matchmaker with whom luck Spoke said he maintains a very short list of customers (sometimes no more than six) at any given time so he can focus and respond quickly to the needs of his VIPs. (At the lower end of the cost spectrum, clients can expect a cheaper yet less personal agency approach.)
“If you’re doing a national search, you can only search a few clients at a time,” says Cat Cantrill, who runs an agency. based in iowa But you can look around every nook and cranny to find the product that’s right for you.
Cantrill has been coaching women on how to navigate the world of dating online and other means for several years before making the leap into matchmaking in 2020. She still does both, which is common in the industry. Some matchmakers said they also advise clients on clothing, personal brands, setting up online profiles and more.
Despite the lack of licenses or required certifications, modern matchmaking is clearly a business enterprise, with earnings for the highest tier reaching seven figures. But that requires paying attention to the bottom line while also finding the right match or winning experience for your customers.
Rachel Greenwald, for example, works partly only with male clients. Because she’s mathematically told to do so. She is, as are many other matchmakers.
“The average matchmaking client is over 40,” says Greenwald. “Because the prices are so high that young people generally can’t afford them.” “Over 40, there is a much greater supply of fantastic single women and a smaller supply of fantastic men. And many men want to date women 10 years younger than them because they want to have children. So there is market pressure on women.”
Greenwald says matchmakers sometimes have to weigh the opportunity cost of introducing a client to a potential match at the expense of another client whose must-have list is much more extensive. Successful people think like lawyers in terms of how much they want to pay per hour and how much work they need to do, she says.
They must also be ruthless in their empathic ways. Greenwald says a good matchmaker is an attentive and connected listener, and ultimately turns away more than 50% of prospects simply because they do not believe they can help them find a match or have a positive journey. They say you can do it.
“We are not magicians. It’s really important for people to know about this business. It’s not like handing someone a menu and having them order. a la carte, Whatever they want.”
On the other hand, when it works, it can be beautiful. Most matchmakers agree that “success” is in the eyes of their clients, whether it be a mutually satisfying relationship, marriage, or simply a process of self-discovery. But seeing people click and fall in love never gets old, they say.
“People start to become so successful that they climb to the top of the mountain themselves. I find that dilemma very compelling,” says Lampitt of New York. “I really help people transition to other skills that are completely different from business success.”
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