This year has already proven to be a year of continued challenges both personally and professionally. Financial challenges, identity challenges, marital dynamics are all up in the air right now. And you, I am here for it.
What happened in 2023 changed my relationship with fear forever. When the worst-case scenario happens and you survive, the only bright side is knowing that you can at least get through each day. And that’s nothing.
Today I’d like to look back on last year, share my goals for 2024, and what you can expect from me in the future.
Looking back on last year’s lessons
When I look back at everything that has happened in my life over the past year, I can’t point to one thing or moment that has taken me to the depths of my soul. I know that even when my inner critic told me I was pathetic and should leave the internet forever, I didn’t give up. I kept pushing myself, even when it meant I was a puddle.
Now I know that when fear is in the driver’s seat, we become a completely different version of ourselves. It takes time to break that cycle, but for now, I live comfortably with fear sitting right next to me, taking each step forward despite its menacing presence, and laughing evilly. I’m starting to find humor in the parts where fear shows up, and I think that’s progress.
Because everything that happened in 2023 stiffI wish I had known sooner that trying to change that fact would only prolong my inner pain. It was only when I began to see suffering as part of the human experience, when I acknowledged that it was something I would experience many times in my life, that I began to find myself again. This lesson came not from avoiding my reality, but from facing it.
Let go of shame and change your perspective
My daily routine hasn’t changed much, but my perspective has completely changed. I’m really kind to myself. I also hold myself accountable. I understand how all-consuming a life driven by shame can be. I also realize that if you used shame as a parenting tool when you were a child, it’s scary to let go of that shame as an adult, because that’s all you know.
That deep-rooted shame is how you measure success and failure. It’s how you decide whether or not to approach a potential partner. It tells you what you can hope for and dream about, and it tells you everything within certain limits that you didn’t set for yourself in the first place, but were passed down through the generations. This shame is old, and it doesn’t belong to you. It probably didn’t belong to your parents or their parents. It’s a pain that needs a host to sustain itself.
Living without the safety blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I take fear in my hands and let it live with me. And that makes all the difference.
So when you start breathing oxygen that is not contaminated with shame, it is like taking a deep breath of cold air after fighting shallow breathing all your life. It is exciting. It reminds me of when I first put on glasses and realized I could see the leaves on the trees. I am amazed by that feeling and feel what it is like to have hope and freedom.
I feel this freedom in the smallest of places, like when I read something I wrote. Or when I open a thank-you card and read a word of encouragement—without thinking it’s conditional. Or when I come to the table with an open mind and am willing to be myself, because I can face rejection. When I know that every beginning has an end.
Living without the safety blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I take fear in my hands and let it live with me. And that makes all the difference.
My intentions and goals for 2024
As I look at the possibilities of what 2024 might bring, I realize that the only control we have in this life is the choice to fully experience it with the vulnerability of fear, love, and acceptance. With that in mind, here are my intentions and goals for 2024:
- Use your vulnerability to combat shame.
- Act like a turtle: slow, steady, and consistent.
- Do community-focused work.
- Take responsibility for yourself and do as I say.
- Feel your emotions without giving them too much meaning.
- Spend your money on things that matter to you.
- Protect time with your family.
- Invest in education.
What you can expect from me in the future
In many ways, I’m “officially” back in a full-time content creation role, a role I stepped away from in the middle of last year. But in other ways, it’s a completely different role. I have a new sense of commitment to what I do. I see it as a means of creating, not a way to measure the impact of my work. I feel the creative spark again from a different perspective. Why not follow that thread and see what happens?
I used to be obsessed with the certainty of what my work meant to people and why I did it. Now I know that there is power in feeling comfortable. uncertainty. I used to avoid difficulties and friction and prefer comfort. Now I know that friction can build confidence and allow you to do difficult things. The goal is not to hide it, but to accept it as an essential part of the journey. There is no perfect answer or strategy, and it is so freeing to accept that it is okay.
As for what you can expect from me in the future, my promise is this: I will keep showing up. I will keep writing and fueling the flame of the platform I have built: Wit & Delight and Visit Visit. I will continue to create content and explore my curiosity. I hope you will stay with me until the end.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram @withanddellight_.
