I love hosting people over for a meal, and over time it has become second nature. I’ve noticed that friends and readers are repeatedly asking me about the basics of hosting. I wanted to know more, so I posted a question on Instagram asking if people would like to cover the topic of hosting. People kept asking me how to do it. plan Learn how to throw a dinner party, especially how to decide who to invite from a group of friends who don’t know each other.
I get so many questions about how to get started hosting that I wanted to share some advice on how to plan a dinner party at home. This includes how to create a guest list, how to decide on a date, and how to send out invitations. These initial steps seem simple, but they often get people stuck and prevent them from hosting at all.
I hope this article removes some of the barriers that keep many people from planning a dinner party (or brunch, or happy hour, or just a quick afternoon gathering). Connect with the people in their lives.
If you want more hosting content, friend lisa And I’m starting a fun series on Wit & Delight later this month, where we’ll dive into how to host different types of gatherings at home. In each post, I’ll share: all To make hosting easier, here’s what you need to know: a timeline for the day before and the day of, a detailed grocery list, and recipes for each menu item. Stay tuned!
How to Plan a Dinner Party in 3 Easy Steps
1. Create a guest list
Ask yourself some questions
Before you create your guest list, ask yourself a few questions. The first is: How many people can you comfortably accommodate? This question takes into account constraints such as space in your home, time of day, and how much you want to budget. I usually think it is better to invite fewer people (usually 2-4) than to invite a lot of people. I prefer to talk to everyone at home!
Next, ask yourself: What do you hope to gain from this event? This question will help me narrow down how I want to structure my gathering and who I want to invite. Your answer may be one of the following (or something completely different):
- Build new relationships
- Strengthen the relationships I already have
- Mixing friend groups
Create a guest list
Based on the answers to the questions above, here are some ways to do it.
- If your goal is to build new relationships, invite up to four people you’re not already very close with.
- If your goal is to strengthen existing relationships, consider inviting one or two close friends.
- If your goal is to mix up your friend group, try inviting five people from different social classes who you think would enjoy getting to know each other.
Guest List Example
To give you an idea of what different guest lists look like, here are some examples of gatherings I’ve hosted.
Invite people from different friend groups.
My goal at these events is to give my friends (and myself) a chance to get out of their comfort zone and connect with people they enjoy.
I limit these types of events to a maximum of 5 guests (6 including myself). I find that with more than 6 people, it’s hard for everyone to get to know each other. 6 is the perfect number for group conversation. and A conversation on the side.
We invite two families from the school their children attend.
My goal for this opportunity was to personally get to know some of the couples Joe and I would be meeting at school.
I kept the guest list to two pairs so that I could easily communicate with everyone in attendance. More than two pairs might mean chatting in small pods rather than everyone communicating.
We invited the kids to this dinner for the same reason: we wanted the kids to have a chance to get to know each other better. In this case, one family had an older sibling who was “in charge” of the kids while we ate. We divided the cooking of the adult menu among the family, and instead of the kids eating the same meal as us, we ordered pizza for the kids.
Invite one core group of friends.
My goal at these events is to meet and catch up with people I love in a comfortable atmosphere.
Recently, I invited some college friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I kept the guest list to four (five, including me), which I felt was small enough to properly reunite everyone.
Invite a friend (or a couple) over for a quick meal.
My goal at these events is to truly reconnect with that person (or couple).
This is one of the hostings that I often go to, and I think it’s one of the things that people forget or ignore. It’s through these simple events that I stay close to the core friends in my life. The meals are usually very simple, like a rich soup or a big, warm pasta dish.
2. Decide on a date
Once you have your guest list, choose a date. If you are hosting a more elaborate gathering, usually choose a weekend. If you are hosting a simple gathering, a weeknight is a good choice.
I can choose a date that works for me and the people I’m inviting. Or I can narrow down a few dates that work for me and send a short list of options to the guests so they can join based on their availability. If it’s a new group that I don’t host regularly, I’m more likely to send a few options. If it’s a close group of friends, I’m more likely to just pick a date.
Remember, as the host, you are in the driver’s seat. Don’t be afraid to be assertive! Sometimes it’s necessary to send options instead of making decisions on your own, but I’ve found that crowdsourcing preferences can be overwhelming. Part of the host’s role is to guide everything, not just on the day, but also during the planning process.
3. Send invitations
How to send an invitation
My recommendation: Keep your invitations simple! I almost always send invitations in a simple text. The invitation looks like this:
- If the people I’m inviting already know each other, I usually send a group text.
- If we don’t know each other, I’ll text each person separately and include a list of attendees to let them know who will be there. Once everyone has confirmed, I can merge the text threads to let everyone know the details. Since everyone is already in the same text thread, new acquaintances can skip the step of changing numbers if they want to contact each other again after the party.
- If I were hosting a larger group or more elaborate gathering (which is rare), I would consider going a different route, like sending Paperless Post invitations via text. I’m not a huge fan of email when it comes to dinner plans!
I think it’s best to follow the communication medium that your friends use most often. I prefer texting. If email is your thing, go for it!
When sending an invitation
In general, the closer you are to your guests, the further away you should send your invitations. The closer you are to your guests, the closer you can send your invitations. If you use a crowdsourced date, I tend to send the invitation text a little earlier than usual. Here are some general timelines that I stick to:
- If you are inviting people from different friend groups, we will send out invitations 14-30 days in advance.
- When you invite a new friend, we will send you an invitation 7-20 days in advance.
- If you are inviting only core friends, send invitations 3-14 days in advance.
- If you are inviting one close friend or a couple, send the invitations 3-14 days in advance, sometimes in the morning.
Sample invitation
Include all the important details in your invitation, including the date, time, guest list (if not a group text), and if there are any special plans they should know about. If you are inviting someone you haven’t invited before, ask them to share any dietary restrictions so you can plan or update your menu accordingly.
Here are some sample texts I sent:
- “Hey! I’m making lasagna. Do you want to come over tonight? Kids are welcome too.”
- “We haven’t cooked together in a while. Let’s find a date that works for your group! We’re pretty open in September. How about the week of September 12th? I’ll host.”
- “Lisa, Marlo, and I will be cooking together on August 6th. Can you come to our house with us?”
- “Hi! I’d like to invite you and your spouse to dinner. We’ll be there on or around August 16th, 17th, or 24th-18th. Are any of those dates available to you? With or without kids? I’m open to any of those dates!”
Do what’s right for you
The only advice I can give when planning a dinner party is to do it in a way that reflects it. you. I’m pretty casual, so texting and short timelines work well for me. If you’re more formal, send out invitations in whatever way feels most comfortable to you. You might like to plan ahead. If you’re Type A, use Doodle to crowdsource dates and assign people something to bring. People love being told what to do in these situations!
When you connect with others in your home through food, don’t be tempted to act like Martha Stewart. The best invitations are the ones that convey a sincere desire to spend time together. If you keep this in mind when making every decision, you can’t go wrong.
Do you like this topic? Read these posts:
Cookbook Club 101: What is a Cookbook Club and How to Start One
My Top 7 Tips for Hosting a Dinner Party Everyone Will Enjoy
My 8 Favorite Cookbooks You Can Cook With Right Now
6 Entertainment Essentials to Make Hosting Smoother
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram @withanddellight_.
