Shortly after my 40th birthday this November, I wrote a personal contract with myself. I signed it to make it official, and Joe did the same as my witness. I have been referring to it every day since. It has served as a filter and guide whenever I feel lost in a particular area of my life. It has been so helpful to me that I wanted to share more with you. Perhaps writing a personal contract with yourself is something you want to do as you enter the new year.
Why I Decided to Write a Personal Contract
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that the way I want my life to be doesn’t always align with my habits and the way I react to my emotions and situations. There’s a good reason for this. Our subconscious mind is incredibly powerful, and our intentional thoughts and actions are not inherently powerful. It’s frustrating to constantly be disappointed in the decisions I make, even when I have the best intentions. This frustration was one of the main reasons I wanted to write a contract with myself: to provide powerful clarity that would help me direct my daily decisions in the direction I want my life to go.
Over the past six months, I have taken a hard look at the role I play in directing my life. I have been honest about how I have been blocking my path. I have realized that it is not just external forces that are holding me back. This confrontation process has shaped my self-esteem in ways I never thought possible, and my personal contract has been born from it.
Benefits of Writing a Personal Contract
Provides clarity.
My personal contract reflects everything I want in life. It boils down to clear priorities that remind me to build habits that will lead me to where I want to go. The kind of clarity it provides helps me make intentional choices throughout the day that support the life I want to create. It helps me prioritize what will be rewarding and worth pursuing.
It’s sustainable.
I have always been passionate about personal development, but my commitment to various practices has ebbed and flowed over time. By writing a contract with myself, my personal development has become sustainable and accessible. It is a far cry from the black and white perfectionist way of being in the world.
This contract is about creating an external version of myself that I can refer to whenever I feel small or afraid. It is designed to build my confidence and ability to do what I want to do in life.
As time goes by, you will become more confident.
I wrote a contract when I was confident and believed in myself. The language of the contract is empowering. It’s about feeling tenacious and capable, whether things are good or not. It’s about reminding myself that I can do something difficult and scary and handle the discomfort that comes afterward. The contract is about creating an external version of myself that I can refer to whenever I feel small or scared. It’s designed to build my confidence and my ability to do what I want to do in life.
What’s included in my contract
My contract starts with a personal mission statement and an outline of the sections I include. Then I go into *how* I will make things happen in different areas of my life. Each section includes an intention I have set for myself and some examples of how that intention should be put into practice in my daily life. I won’t share the entire contract here, but I will share a brief outline of each section below to give you an idea of what my contract looks like.
- Being a person of value and having my back protected. This has to do with moving from external validation to internal validation.
- finances. This has to do with educating myself, maintaining my financial system, and instilling long-term financial values.
- legacy. This has to do with what I want the brand I build to be like now and in the future.
- Community. This further strengthens my commitment to the community that supports me and my brand, which includes everyone reading this right now.
- Family and relationships The language here is about practicing what I say, showing up for others, and not putting words through someone else’s mouth.
- Values. Here I clarify my core personal values. If you feel like you’re not connecting with your story, try writing in third person.
- target. This includes what I want to achieve, why I want to achieve it, and how I will achieve it.
- Things that no longer serve me. It contains a very detailed list of things I’m letting go of, from habits to friendships to cycles of self-destruction.
- pride. This has to do with strengthening my commitment to myself.
- Make a plan and show up every day. It’s about meeting myself where I am every day and continually pushing myself forward.
How to Write a Contract with Yourself
A good contract provides clarity and ensures that all parties involved get what they want from the contract. In the case of a personal contract, it provides a perspective that allows you to deal with what happens in life, make informed choices, and live in a way that is based on intention. A personal contract provides the opposite of overwhelming. It instills the knowledge that you can break down any obstacle that comes your way.
A personal contract provides the opposite of overwhelming. It instills in you the knowledge that you can shatter any obstacle that comes your way.
Here are some tips for writing a personal contract:
Please explain in detail.
Be specific about the areas of your life that you want to develop and approach differently than before. Think back to what went wrong in the past and how you can handle it differently in the future. This will give you a powerful reference point for scenarios that you might encounter again. After all, we all know that life is hard at times. There are a lot of things you don’t want to do between the life you want and the life you have now.
Be realistic.
It is also important that the contract is not wishful thinking. It is not a blind optimistic hope for the future. I am optimistic in the long term and pessimistic in the short term. It is also achievable. Here is what I know You can do it. It’s not a source of shame or pressure to meet standards (see the Values section above).
Review and revise often.
During the seven weeks I spent planning my days and weeks using the contract, I was able to get more specific about the specifics within the contract. As you learn more about the situation and yourself, don’t be afraid to refine and change things.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is Testing the limits of her creativity. Follow her on Instagram @withanddellight_.
