Over the years, I’ve been asked many questions about how to get my kids to eat healthy foods. At first, being a picky eater was a challenge for my family. I was looking for a way to create better eating habits and encourage family eating.
After re-examining my family’s attitude toward food (and through trial and error), I came up with a few ‘food rules’. Adjusting the way we view food and eating and getting the kids more involved has been a huge help to us.
If you’re struggling with a picky eater, start by looking at your family’s attitudes toward food. Offering a variety of foods helps develop good eating habits. However, having some guidelines regarding foods and meal times will help you change your eating habits. And it will make your time around the table more enjoyable!
Why do we have it? Picky eater?
Often, parents assume that their child will not eat or like certain foods, even if the child has never complained about or eaten those foods before. There is a perception that “kid-friendly” foods like chicken nuggets, sandwiches, and pre-packaged snacks are the only things kids want to eat. So, we become hesitant to introduce different foods to our children for fear that they might not like them.
If a child’s diet regularly consists of these types of foods, they are missing important nutrients from a varied and balanced diet.
I’ve also realized that the attitudes we teach our children about food are just as important as the food choices we offer them. When I visited different countries, I noticed significant differences in the way children ask for food, eat, and behave.
I believe the food we sell and prepare to our children in America needs to change. But I think it’s just as important to change the way our kids (and us!) think about food.
7 tips to help you overcome picky eating
Realizing that my family’s attitude toward food needed to change, I began incorporating ideas from other cultures. I knew my mom’s French family ate a variety of foods, were not picky, and were naturally slim. I started using these ideas with my kids and the difference was amazing.
Although the name is a little misleading, these are our “food rules.” This isn’t a hard and fast rule that makes dinner time more problematic. Instead, they are guidelines for how children should behave in food-related situations. These “rules” are best taught and practiced by example as a family, rather than with an iron fist (or wooden spoon).
1. Don’t complain about the food
In our house, kids (and adults) aren’t allowed to complain about food. This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to eat it at every meal. But this means that you are not allowed to talk negatively about food.
Food’s first job is to nourish us. It’s not for entertainment. This is an important thing to teach children. Additionally, complaining about the food is rude and closed-off to the person who prepared the food. Negative opinions about certain foods can spread quickly and are difficult to reverse, especially if you have multiple children. So, it would be a good idea to fix this problem once and for all!
No one should be forced to eat if they are not hungry (see rule #6). But everyone needs to sit together and participate with a positive attitude. People who persist in a negative attitude may leave to get ready for bed.
2. Food is not a reward (or punishment).
To help you develop a neutral attitude toward food, I don’t use food as a reward or punishment. I want to avoid my kids having an emotional relationship with food. Remember. Because the primary role of food is to nourish, not entertain.
Many of us (myself included!) have an emotional connection to certain foods. Or, you may feel a desire to eat something specific during an emotional situation. How many times have you gone for a snack when you were sad, stressed, excited, or bored?
This is also called emotional eating. I want to avoid this with my children, especially as obesity rates in children are increasing. Therefore, it is important not to make associations between food (especially unhealthy food) and emotions.
To that end, I never use food as a bribe or reward for good behavior (even though I’m not perfect!). Additionally, we do not emphasize certain foods on birthdays or other special occasions. Instead, focus on experiences. For example, instead of eating birthday cake and sweet treats, we will go to the zoo.
Likewise, I do not present food as punishment or associate it with punishment. I never said, “You have to eat asparagus.” I don’t say, “Otherwise it’s in trouble.” I don’t let my kids complain about food (see rule #1), but I discipline negative attitudes, not food-related behavior.
3. Eating is a positive family activity
Families increasingly eat together at the table. But this is very important for the whole family! The tendency to eat on the go or while watching TV also influences negative attitudes toward food. So I try hard to eat meals together as a family (especially breakfast and dinner) whenever possible.
Everyone comes to the table with a positive attitude (see rule #1). If you decide not to eat, you can stay and enjoy the conversation. This promotes our family time, makes eating less stressful and allows us to spend more time bonding.
While eating, focus on calm conversation to reduce stress at the table. We talk about things we are grateful for and things that make us smile. This creates space to eat more slowly and more mindfully. And eating in less stressful situations can help increase your well-being.
4. Get kids involved
It’s a great help in getting kids more interested in food, especially new foods! Children of all ages can become more involved in this process. And when kids get involved, it gives them a chance to try new things. Added bonus: Your kids will learn how to plan and cook their own meals when they move!
From the time my children were little, as young as two years old, I used to help them. At the grocery store or farmer’s market, you can talk about different foods and get your child to pick out new foods to try. I always try to explain why certain types of foods are more nutrient dense and what benefits they have for the body (see rule #7).
Children can also help with meal planning, preparing food, setting the table, and cleaning up. I love this course from my friend Katie Kimball. Kids cook real food. She offers age-appropriate learning courses and even has mini-courses for younger children! This is a great solution to help avoid or treat picky eaters.
5. Try, try again
In our house, the whole family eats the same thing every meal. Children do not eat special “kid-friendly” foods. As soon as they can eat solid food, they get tiny bits of the food we all eat. This atmosphere encourages them to eat what is served and avoid fights over food. I don’t pay much attention to unusual or new foods. I just present it in a positive manner and assume they will eat it.
They take one bite of each food offered (one green bean, one sweet potato, and one piece of chicken). After each bite, you can ask for more.
If they don’t like their food or don’t ask for more, I reassure them. I explain that it’s okay, as long as they’re willing to try it every time. I explain that one day (when they become adults) their tastes and food preferences may change and they may like those foods. They aren’t forced to eat huge amounts of food they don’t necessarily like. But I offer it repeatedly and set the expectation that they will keep trying it.
6. It’s okay to be hungry
In our house, hunger is not considered a negative experience and we constantly try to correct it. I know people who have completely lost their natural hunger due to constant access to food.
Feeling hungry before eating is completely normal (and expected). Children who are even slightly hungry tend to be happier and more adventurous eaters at mealtimes. For this reason, I try to limit my snack time and make sure I have plenty of time before meals. There is no need to practice eating continuously.
Normal hunger at mealtimes encourages children to eat the food provided. It also helps children want to eat enough so they don’t get hungry too quickly. At the same time, a child who is excluded from the dinner table for complaining and getting ready for bed (see rule #1) quickly learns to have a more positive attitude. It never took more than a total of two days for my kids to miss a family dinner to find an improved outlook.
7. Focus on nutrient-dense foods
I have noticed that my mom (and French people in general) eats smaller amounts of high-quality food. They (generally) enjoy it more and are less obsessed. To make it easier to implement all of the above “rules,” we focus on cooking nutritious, rich foods from scratch. Eat egg-based foods daily, including bone broth, raw cheese, homemade sauces (including butter or cream), high-quality meats, eggs, and hollandaise sauce.
Our children eat omelets filled with meat and vegetables and topped with hollandaise, and they are nourished by balanced meals. But compared to a bowl of cereal, you also consumed more healthy fats.
I value home-cooked nutritious meals, even if they are time-consuming. So most days I cook from scratch, but I also batch cook on the weekends. This will save you a lot of time and prepare you for the week ahead. And because the kids help (see rule #4), it saves time as the kids get older.
Changing my family’s attitude toward food has been a process. But transitioning a picky eater to healthy eating habits is worth it! As you begin this journey, remember that you are the best role model for your child. They are observing your relationship with food and how you react. Picky eating will soon be a thing of the past!
Is it a fight for the family or do the kids like adventure? How do you deal with picky eaters? Share your tips below!
