Why Couples Don’t Talk About Finances and How to Change

A Cornell study found that couples who thought their financial problems were permanent were more likely to think there was no solution.

Partners may feel there are fundamental differences in how they think about money, so it’s not worth having a conversation without a solution, Garbinsky said.

Instead, the study found that couples are more likely to be willing to talk about money if they think they can solve their problems and can look back on previous times when they were able to reach a compromise with their partner.

Unfortunately, most couples avoid talking about their finances because they basically tend to think of them as permanent, Garbinsky said.

Avoidance of communication can also cause: Financial infidelity, when a partner does not disclose or hides financial information from his or her partner. The instinct to withhold information may be a strategy to avoid fights, Garbinsky said.

Over time, whether it’s simple avoidance or financial infidelity, a lack of communication can be detrimental to a relationship.

“Staying quiet and hiding things from your partner will have a negative impact on the quality of your relationship over time,” Garbinsky said.

To overcome a money impasse in a relationship, it helps to first acknowledge that it’s human, says Jude Boudreaux, a certified financial planner and senior financial planner. Planning Center In New Orleans.

Boudreaux, who is also a member of the CNBC FA Committee, said people often develop ways to approach money based on their history and what makes them most comfortable. For example, someone who grows up without much money may want to have a large savings cushion as an adult.

But it’s rare for a saver to marry another saver or for a spender to marry another spender, Boudreaux said.

To resolve financial conflicts, he said, it’s helpful to reflect and talk about each partner’s memories of money and how that shapes their current feelings about money.

It also helps make possible decisions that each partner feels comfortable with, Boudreaux said. This includes questions such as “How can you feel more comfortable if we make this decision?” and “What do I need to feel in order to engage in this conversation and feel the confidence that comes from it?”

After years of mediating these kinds of conversations for her couple clients, Boudreaux said it’s important to take an optimistic approach. One partner may take more conservative measures, while the other partner may agree to be more aggressive.

“There’s often a middle ground,” Boudreaux said.